FORGIVENESS is a word easier said than done. To forgive someone involves our whole being… our mind, heart, and actions. Yes, it’s not easy to forgive the offender. But if I don’t forgive, I am choosing to stay trapped in my own bitterness.
In June 2006, I found out I was pregnant. We already had 3 children and this baby came as a surprise to both my husband and I. During this pregnancy, I needed my husband to give me more emotional support and to spend more time with our family. Instead, he was so caught up with his work that he would come home exhausted most of the time. That left him with little or no energy for me and the kids. I began to resent him. I could not give him my support for his work. Facing him daily became an ordeal… it was so painful! The pain was so unbearable that I wanted a way out. Divorce? But I love God too much to break His heart. Then one day, I decided to become a ‘widow’.
“Lord, since my husband is emotionally ‘dead’ towards me, I might as well consider myself a widow. Surely, a dead person can’t hurt me anymore. This may put an end to my pain.”
So in my mind, I carried out an emotional ‘burial’.
I have been grieving ever since the ‘funeral’. During one of my visits to the public library with my kids, I could not control my emotions, had to escape to the restroom, and hid myself in one of the cubicles to cry. When I had calmed down, I slowly walked back to the library. As I was looking aimlessly at a shelf of books, a book with a unique title caught my eyes— “When love dies.” I could identify so well with the author… that’s exactly how I felt… PAIN. I immediately borrowed this book, hoping that it would teach me how to bury my pain. But God asked me to bring my pain to Him, and to find healing through forgiveness and reconciliation. I protested…
“Lord, remember that I am the one who is hurting. If I forgive him, I will be allowing myself to be vulnerable to more hurts. If he wants reconciliation, he needs to ask me for forgiveness.”
God did not yield to my demands, He just gently reminded me, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways….” (Isaiah 55:8,9; NASB).
Somehow, I knew God’s solution was the best, but I stubbornly refused to submit to Him.
After enduring for another month, God showed His love and kindness to me again. I was reminded of the parable about a greatly indebted slave who received forgiveness from the king, but he did not forgive another fellow slave who owed him little (Matthew 18:21-35). I knew God wanted me to cancel my husband’s ‘debts’.
“Lord, I can’t understand Your ways fully, but I know You love me… and You have my best interest at heart. Unforgiveness can’t stop me from being hurt. Rather, it traps me in my own misery. Yes, I am willing to obey You from now onward. Lord, I forgive my husband. Please heal my wounded heart. I release my un-met needs to You.”
I wept as I surrendered my pain, my hurts, and my unforgiveness to God. At once, I felt a relief, for I had cast my burden unto Him who cares for me (1 Peter 5:6,7). Gradually, I began to see hope in my marriage and experience a renewed relationship with my husband. Even though we still have our conflicts and differences, we choose to allow God to help us and heal our hurts.
- Story of Ling, a mom of 5
Is there someone whom you find difficult to forgive? WOW MOM is here to listen to you. Drop us a message via Messenger. Remember that if you don't forgive, you are choosing to stay trapped in your own bitterness.
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