When Jin Mei* was expecting her fourth child, her husband, Steve* started seeing another woman. Jin Mei remembers how she felt when she first found out about Steve’s affair. “The hurt and anger that I felt were too deep to describe,” said Jin Mei, tears welling up, as she recalled the shock and pain that hit her when she found out about the affair. Enraged, she drove Steve out of the home and confronted the ‘other woman’, throwing things and speaking ill of her to her neighbours. She tried everything to stop the affair but nothing worked.
HELP IN TIME OF NEED
Around this time, Jin Mei received an unexpected, accidental phone call from Stella, who had been her classmate and close friend. They reconnected. “Who would imagine that, after over 30 years, our paths would meet again,” she thought. Looking back, Jin Mei realised that God had placed Stella back in her life, for a reason. This chanced reunion was to be a life-changing encounter for Jin Mei. As the two friends caught up, Jin Mei was amazed at how much Stella had changed over the years. Once a heavy smoker and compulsive partygoer, she had given it all up to follow God when she became a Christian. Stella shared her love for God, crediting her mother who “never stopped praying for her”. Stella prayed for Jin Mei and read the Bible to her, speaking of God’s promises and faithfulness over Jin Mei's marriage situation. Even in her lowest times, Stella never stopped encouraging her and it gave her the strength to carry on her marriage. “I have been a Christian from young, but I did not know the Bible at all,” said Jin Mei, who remembers how God moved her heart when Stella showed her Proverbs 31:13-15, describing the true beauty of a Godly woman--“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her”.
THE HARD TRUTH
Then God led Stella to share a hard truth with Jin Mei. “Yes, what Steve did was wrong. But we are all sinners, and Jesus still forgives and loves us. Steve is not perfect, but neither are you,” Stella reminded Jin Mei. She quoted Jesus in John 8:7, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her…” referring to the Pharisees who tried to trap Jesus, on the stoning of a woman caught in adultery. These words rebuked Jin Mei, telling her that she had no right to judge, as she was guilty of sin too. Even before Stella spoke this word, Jin Mei could feel this gentle prodding in her heart to forgive Steve. But it was hard to obey. “How can I forgive him? It’s asking too much of me,” thought Jin Mei. As Jin Mei struggled with this, Stella pointed her to Matthew 6:14 - “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you”. Stella then told Jin Mei that, when Peter asked Jesus how often it is necessary to forgive, Jesus replied, “Seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). Remembering God’s call for her to forgive Steve, Jin Mei made a commitment to God. “Lord, if it pleases you that I forgive my husband, no matter how hard it is, I will, ” Jin cried out. After she made this decision, she felt a sense of peace and joy, remembering that Jesus Christ first forgave us when we were sinners. Soon after this revelation, another friend encouraged Jin Mei to join a community of women to study God's Word. “I grew to love God’s Word more and more. He comforts, counsels and strengthens me. He tells me what to do in every area of life”.
GOD’S PROVISION
With little financial help from Steve, Jin Mei soon found herself struggling to make ends meet. She had to quickly find a job. “I have not worked for 8 years, who would want to hire me?”, she thought. Stella encouraged her to trust in the Lord and pray. Then, to her amazement, she found Jin Mei the ‘ideal’ job, within a few weeks. “God is so good - this job had flexible hours, allowing me to spend more time with my children!” recalls Jin Mei. She knew that God had answered her desperate prayers. However, the stress of managing a household and a job soon wore Jin Mei down. Other friends tried to help her, but their advice made her even more depressed and confused. But Stella stood by her side to give her sound, Godly advice.
A STEP FURTHER
Soon, Jin Mei heard God’s call again. This time, it was even harder - she felt God asking her to apologise to him! Jin Mei decided to take the brave step and obey God. She reached out to Steve. But her words fell on deaf ears, and the affair continued. “This was a huge blow to me,” recalled Jin Mei, who felt like the world crashed down on her once again. But she didn’t know that God was setting things in motion. Soon after this, Jin Mei’s father fell seriously ill. When Steve heard about this, he went to visit him, and to Jin Mei’s surprise, brought his mother too. Soon after, Jin Mei’s father passed away. Then, something happened. Two days after the funeral, Steve suddenly told Jin Mei that he would like to come home. “I was stunned, but didn’t dare to even ask why he wanted to come home,” she remembered that day so clearly. “I merely said “The door is always open for you.” Beneath the brave and cool front, Jin Mei quietly pleaded with God not to let him walk out again!
COMING HOME & AFTER
It has been five years since Steve came home to Jin Mei and his children. “In my darkest moments, I found God, and saw for myself, that God makes good His promises. He delivered me from my terrible situation, in His time,” she said, thankful for the journey which brought her closer to God, in a real and personal way. Living together still has its challenges for Jin Mei, as Steve would speak of God with contempt. But Jin Mei remains faithful to God. She continues to trust in His protection and guidance. She prays that Steve will turn to God one day so that they can testify of God’s goodness and power together. “I’m not alone in this journey anymore. God is with me, and I know he’s watching over our marriage,” she says with peaceful confidence. Jin Mei no longer bears any resentment against the ‘other’ woman but feels sorry for her. She thanks God for His miracles and perfect timing, remembering how God brought Stella, the community of women, and a job into her life, when she most needed help. Looking back, Jin Mei felt that things changed for her when she forgave Steve. It didn’t matter what his response was. All that mattered was that I knew Jesus forgave me when I was still a sinner. If He could do this for me, then shouldn’t I forgive Steve? When she took that step, she felt a lot of peace and freedom. I am no longer the bitter woman I used to be, I’m now a new person in Christ”. Would she ever trust Steve fully again? “I still have doubts, but I will trust God to renew my mind day by day and give Steve the benefit of the doubt. God has brought him back to me, I trust God that He has best interest for me and my family”. Despite these challenges, Jin Mei is thankful that she and Steve are able to talk and discuss matters, like before. Today, Jin Mei prays fervently every day, at every corner of her home. Her faith in God has deepened, as she continues to study the bible diligently and obey God, knowing that He is always in control.
- Interview by Corinne, a mom of 3
*Names have been changed to respect the privacy of the people in the article.
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