My relationship with my mother-in-law changed drastically with the presence of my three kids. With the arrival of each kid, it seemed more strained and I felt more belittled. At a certain point, it felt as if I was a vehicle to deliver grandkids and nothing more worthy in my in-laws’ eyes. No matter how hard I tried to be a good daughter-in-law in showing concern and taking care of my in-laws, I was criticised for my inadequacy to be a good daughter-in-law, wife and mother.
Whenever my parents-in-law were critical of me, it happened when no one was around. Hence, I had no one to vouch or witness any of the incidents when it happened. Many times, I brought the matter up to my husband. However, he felt trapped to be a constant communicating vessel between his parents and me. There were occasions in which he doubted my words, citing that the incidents were not true and his parents had not behaved this way.
I felt all alone, deeply hurt, deserted and helpless. I sought God to give me a heart of love and compassion. Somehow, whenever an incident with my in-laws arose, it seemed as though salt was continually poured on my healing wound, causing the wound to flare up time and again. Each time, it took a longer time to heal - taking into account the history of events and level of hurt.
A friend then invited me to join WOWMOM. Since then, it has been a group in which I can connect with other moms, and be honest about my failures, shortcomings and helplessness. Together, we learnt from recommended books, guided readings and listened to each other’s experiences. I began to find hope and acceptance.
As I shared my personal experiences with the group, I began to process and develop a new perspective of my situation with God as the centre of my life. Upon the invitation of WOWMOM, I attended “Forgiving from the Heart” over Zoom.
As I was going through the session, God brought to my mind an imagery of a courtroom proceeding. The case was presided over by a judge. I was the accused, interrogating me was a prosecutor and my defence attorney. One by one, witnesses came to the stand to give their testimonies. However, as the court case proceeded, there seemed to be an absence of witnesses who could testify successfully for me. Overcome by emotions, I broke down. It seemed no one could rescue me from my predicament. I fully understood the imagery and its analogy. Little did I anticipate that God would choose to use such a powerful imagery of a court case to describe what I was going through with my in-laws.
In my awe, I could not fathom how God validated my pain and hurt and assured me that He has always been there for me as a bearing witness all these years. Towards the end of the session, I prayed to forgive my in-laws. In addition, I asked the Lord to have mercy on them and an opportunity for my in-laws to know Him personally.
“When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us” - Lewis Smedes
I am thankful to God for setting me free from the bondage of bitterness when it comes to my relationship with my in-laws. If you are in the process of forgiveness, God may bring to mind painful memories which you might have totally forgotten. Let Him do this even if it hurts. God is surfacing those painful memories so you can face them once and for all and let them go. When I’ve forgiven someone, I can feel joy entering my life and filling the segments that were once bitter. I’m better able to let go and live life in abundance.
- Story of Helen, a mom of 3
References and Acknowledgments: The Steps to Freedom in Christ by Neil T. Anderson, page 13 and 14 LifeClass by Cesar Castellanos D., page 17 and quote by Lewis Smedes
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