Motherhood is a journey that is often challenging and rewarding, filled with moments of joy and tears. For Jasmine*, a happy mum of a son and a daughter, the role of parenting comes with a unique set of challenges not faced by many. The mother of two shares her journey of love, resilience and joy as she reflects on how her children have changed her life, and brought her closer to God.
28 years ago, Jasmine and her husband, Meng*, welcomed their first child. Like all new parents, they were thrilled and excited with their bundle of joy. But, in a flash, their world fell apart when the doctor told them that their son had epilepsy and mild autism. In addition, he was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay (GDD), a neurological condition where one is diagnosed with significantly slower cognitive, physical and emotional development. Jasmine recalls vividly her feelings then.
“I asked God, again and again … ‘God, how can this be?’” No one in the family had GDD, and Jasmine could not understand what might have caused this condition in her adorable son Jie Hong*. The initial years, after Jie Hong’s birth, were the most challenging for the first-time parents. Baby Jie Hong did not respond in ways expected of normal babies and toddlers.
Today, 28-year old Jie Hong is unable to speak, and has the IQ of a two-year old. He has difficulty expressing his thoughts and feelings. Jasmine has learnt to be patient, and refrain from getting upset when Jie Hong gets aggravated. As Jie Hong is unable to indicate his toileting needs, Jasmine used to get impatient and stressed. Despite the challenges facing her, Jasmine grew to love her “darling” more as the days went by. She learnt to adapt her parenting style to his needs.
She has learnt to read the signs that indicate his needs. For Jasmine, such patience and understanding would not have been possible, without God working in her life. Her patient and loving attitude helped to foster a sense of warmth, security and stability in Jie Hong.
Jasmine also stopped comparing her circumstances with other families. “I could not change my circumstances, but I could change myself, by not comparing myself to others”, says Jasmine, who used to envy other parents whose children led normal lives.
Jasmine and Meng constantly find themselves having to adjust their personal needs and time, to be with Jie Hong. They need to forgo the dream of going on family vacation. Instead the couple go on separate holidays, so that one of them can remain behind to care for Jie Hong. “We have learnt to adapt and be content with what we have,” says Jasmine.
She has also learnt not to expect people to change for her sake. “In the past, I felt disappointed when my children and Meng did not behave in the way I expected them to, thinking that this was for their own good,” said Jasmine. But God made her question her motive for wanting to change them – did she really want the change for their own benefit, or was it to suit her own selfish desires?
Then she heard God telling her, “I will use you, and change you, to change others”. This realisation transformed Jasmine’s perspective. She no longer felt the need to change others, but instead, she allowed God to work in her.
Jasmine is grateful to Jie Hong for being the catalyst in her decision to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. As a young, stressed and confused mother, she did not know God then. She started looking for comfort and answers to her questions about her plight when Jie Hong was born by studying many religions, but found none that would satisfy.
She recalls two incidents that helped lead her to Christ. Firstly, her Christian father had died of cancer. His was a peaceful passing, and Jasmine noticed that he looked so happy. She was curious how one could be happy facing death. Jasmine also saw how Jesus transformed the lives of drug addicts in The Helping Hand, a local Christian halfway house. “If these hardcore addicts can change, then God must be real”, she thought. These incidents moved Jasmine deeply, and soon, she found herself going to church, and attending a Christian small group.
Jasmine smiles as she looks back at herself then. When she found herself in helpless situations, she turned to God even more, immersing herself in studying God’s Word, praying and surrounding herself with Christians who encouraged her.
Looking after Jie Hong has made her more caring, peaceful and patient. “I used to ask God, ‘Why?’ God answered me in ways I did not expect. I was upset, and He calmed me; I was envious of others, and He made me content; I was down, and He gave me joy.” Jasmine recalls how she used to panic when things did not go her way. But now, her belief is simple – pray, don’t panic.
Jasmine has seen herself evolving from an unsure young mother and wife, to a contented mother, confident and joyful in her circumstances. She echoes the words of Paul in Philippians 4:11b-13 (NIV):
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
*Names have been changed to protect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals.
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