In the words of Nathanael, “This is my testimony, God has provided for me yeah….”
I was a victim of fatherlessness. I had many father figures, so I should be grateful. However, I still felt like a hole was missing. I never missed my father or at least I thought so. The symptoms of fatherlessness did show up though. I had no firm sense of identity or self-worth. Intense feelings of rejection and abandonment engulfed me, losing myself to please the guys who I was with. Because of this, I fell into the trap of sending nudes to guys I was with. However, I had a praying family, and little did I know God was bringing me back to Him.
In 2020, the dreadful virus of Covid 19 came on the scene, and I was honestly scared that the world was ending. So, I thought to myself that I should probably give my life to God but I was scared to. God had been working on my heart slowly from before, but the pandemic really made me consider Him. If I cut off ties with the guy I was talking to, would he release my nudes? This was the recurring fear I had when I wanted to give my life but the longer I talked to this guy and lost more respect for myself, I became more and more disgruntled. I knew enough from growing up in church that God wanted something good for me and this was not it.
I soon decided that I had had enough and this was around my 18th birthday. I stopped caring about people’s opinions and I was tired of the way I was living. When I decided “Okay God, I’ll fully commit”, a joy incomparable and a peace incomprehensible rested in my heart. I became more humble and willing. My mistakes didn’t define me. I no longer felt average or unimportant. God gave me a sense of purpose. He was the one who was going to define me from this point on and I wasn’t prepared to go back. The scriptures below are very special to me.
Romans 8:28
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Nehemiah 8:10
“Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.””
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