A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
– Proverbs 17:17
In Spring 2021, I was diagnosed with cancer.
I was serving as interim department co-chair at this time while our department chair was on sabbatical. This was during the pandemic, and I was working from home. Soon, I was told that surgery was needed and I started to juggle my daily work with medical calls that could not be missed.
My interim department co-chair learned that when a medical call came, I would mute myself immediately on Zoom, no matter what was taking place, and take the call. I felt like I was thrown into a whirlwind of baffling medical decisions.
In mid-June, I had my first of what would be three surgeries. I live by myself, and my brothers and sisters-in-law each flew down from Northern California for various days to stay with me and help me with my recovery.
Friends from church brought me food, time and time again, sometimes coming in and sharing the meal with me.
One person who stayed with me for a few days after my surgery was our department chair, Berit, back now from sabbatical. She and I had worked closely together for quite a while as I was one of her associate chairs. I already considered her a good friend, someone with whom I could talk about pretty much anything, but I was amazed that she was willing to dedicate several days, even staying overnight on my couch, to help me. This experience brought us even closer.
During Berit’s stay at my apartment, we talked about life and watched movies. Berit met a few members of our church and even joined in holding hands together with me and a friend from church who prayed for me. Berit did work and took Zoom meetings from my dining room table while I rested.
On another day later on during my recovery, another colleague from our department came over with Berit to do some tasks at my apartment. The two of them hung up a gift of 1000 cranes on my wall, given to me by people from church with well-wishes and prayer.
I felt so very loved by my department chair Berit and this other colleague. I am grateful for the care that they showed me.
But also, in that season of great need in my life, I am thankful that I allowed these departmental friends into my life in such a personal way.
I know that Christian faculty sometimes experience loneliness on campus. There are some departments where relationships are toxic and it’s not safe to be vulnerable.
But I want to encourage you that it is a great joy to enter into true, meaningful friendships with colleagues. These are people with whom we might work together for 30+ years.
When it’s possible, let your colleagues know you in your very human weaknesses and times of need. Be a true friend, and accept their true friendship. And give true friendship as well. It is a joy-filled way to live the academic life, and I am filled with gratitude for this.
